I haven't written in a while and there is no reason to my absence, at least not a good one. But now I find myself writing again, sending out this message into the ether, the heavens, the unknown as I have no one to discuss it with. A question that of late has plagued my mind; how do you let go of a dream that deep down has kept you going?
I had a dream once, and I was so sure of it that I believed it had come from God. It sustained me for so long and seemed to be somewhat re-affirmed every way I looked. And now I am presented with something, something that would kill that dream and yet possibly fulfill another one. I feel lost as to what to do, I am not at the crucial point yet where I have to make a choice, but I can see it coming. If I could only get some kind of inclination that the first dream was a mistake on my part, that there was no truth (or only partial truth), if only I could see that the dream could never be, I could let go. But I fear that without that understanding, without that knowledge my heart will forever be tied to that first dream and it will destroy all the others that try to replace it.
Sometimes I wished that my imagination, my dream was not as strong as it is, I wish that the questions I had could be answered, but alas they stand firm and towering over me, and just like the mighty red woods cast shadow over all beneath them, so too do these questions, this doubt, casting a shadow over all that I see and I cannot seem to rid it of its power over me. So here I am writing to no one, seeking solace and answers in the written word, even when I expect no reply.
do i even remember how this works?!
3 years ago