Ether

I haven't written in a while and there is no reason to my absence, at least not a good one. But now I find myself writing again, sending out this message into the ether, the heavens, the unknown as I have no one to discuss it with. A question that of late has plagued my mind; how do you let go of a dream that deep down has kept you going?

I had a dream once, and I was so sure of it that I believed it had come from God. It sustained me for so long and seemed to be somewhat re-affirmed every way I looked. And now I am presented with something, something that would kill that dream and yet possibly fulfill another one. I feel lost as to what to do, I am not at the crucial point yet where I have to make a choice, but I can see it coming. If I could only get some kind of inclination that the first dream was a mistake on my part, that there was no truth (or only partial truth), if only I could see that the dream could never be, I could let go. But I fear that without that understanding, without that knowledge my heart will forever be tied to that first dream and it will destroy all the others that try to replace it.

Sometimes I wished that my imagination, my dream was not as strong as it is, I wish that the questions I had could be answered, but alas they stand firm and towering over me, and just like the mighty red woods cast shadow over all beneath them, so too do these questions, this doubt, casting a shadow over all that I see and I cannot seem to rid it of its power over me. So here I am writing to no one, seeking solace and answers in the written word, even when I expect no reply.

Blood

So this weekend is going to be crazy! I am going to be giving blood to the red cross in about three hours, I still have a couple of classes before. Later I will be going to work, then heading to the new house to finish painting and cleaning, and then home to do packing. Moving in the middle of a semester is a little crazy but the move is going to be a good thing. I am really excited for my family and the opportunities that they will be able to have. This is the first time I have given blood; I have had blood drawn for other things but never for the Red Cross. I am excited and I should be doing this more often as I have a good blood type for other people.

Bad Day

As I write this I think about the song “bad day” by Daniel Powter and then I think about the chipmunks singing it in “Alvin and the Chipmunks” and I smile. Yesterday was just a bad day, a Robinson Crusoe day; were I just wanted to disappear and be on a deserted island with no one near me. I could only find my faults and the mistakes that I have made and could see none of the talents that I know God has given me. The funny thing is that my day and mood did not start getting better until I was at home working on some homework that was due the next day. Then this morning I read a friends blog about her difficult day and the feeling that she sticks out like a sore thumb. I have often felt that way, but I realized I enjoy my uniqueness I enjoy being the Calla Lilly that I am in a field of roses. My friend said she was a pink daisy, and although I love daisies I know that that is not who I am, I am a Calla Lilly, so now there are at least two different flowers in this field of roses and I am grateful for my daisy friend and for not being alone. But I am also glad to not be a rose, roses are not bad they are just not me.

My friends post