Ether

I haven't written in a while and there is no reason to my absence, at least not a good one. But now I find myself writing again, sending out this message into the ether, the heavens, the unknown as I have no one to discuss it with. A question that of late has plagued my mind; how do you let go of a dream that deep down has kept you going?

I had a dream once, and I was so sure of it that I believed it had come from God. It sustained me for so long and seemed to be somewhat re-affirmed every way I looked. And now I am presented with something, something that would kill that dream and yet possibly fulfill another one. I feel lost as to what to do, I am not at the crucial point yet where I have to make a choice, but I can see it coming. If I could only get some kind of inclination that the first dream was a mistake on my part, that there was no truth (or only partial truth), if only I could see that the dream could never be, I could let go. But I fear that without that understanding, without that knowledge my heart will forever be tied to that first dream and it will destroy all the others that try to replace it.

Sometimes I wished that my imagination, my dream was not as strong as it is, I wish that the questions I had could be answered, but alas they stand firm and towering over me, and just like the mighty red woods cast shadow over all beneath them, so too do these questions, this doubt, casting a shadow over all that I see and I cannot seem to rid it of its power over me. So here I am writing to no one, seeking solace and answers in the written word, even when I expect no reply.

Blood

So this weekend is going to be crazy! I am going to be giving blood to the red cross in about three hours, I still have a couple of classes before. Later I will be going to work, then heading to the new house to finish painting and cleaning, and then home to do packing. Moving in the middle of a semester is a little crazy but the move is going to be a good thing. I am really excited for my family and the opportunities that they will be able to have. This is the first time I have given blood; I have had blood drawn for other things but never for the Red Cross. I am excited and I should be doing this more often as I have a good blood type for other people.

Bad Day

As I write this I think about the song “bad day” by Daniel Powter and then I think about the chipmunks singing it in “Alvin and the Chipmunks” and I smile. Yesterday was just a bad day, a Robinson Crusoe day; were I just wanted to disappear and be on a deserted island with no one near me. I could only find my faults and the mistakes that I have made and could see none of the talents that I know God has given me. The funny thing is that my day and mood did not start getting better until I was at home working on some homework that was due the next day. Then this morning I read a friends blog about her difficult day and the feeling that she sticks out like a sore thumb. I have often felt that way, but I realized I enjoy my uniqueness I enjoy being the Calla Lilly that I am in a field of roses. My friend said she was a pink daisy, and although I love daisies I know that that is not who I am, I am a Calla Lilly, so now there are at least two different flowers in this field of roses and I am grateful for my daisy friend and for not being alone. But I am also glad to not be a rose, roses are not bad they are just not me.

My friends post

Almost Done

I am sitting here in the McKay library waiting and studying for my last final of this semester and I cannot believe that I am almost done with school (at least for a time). Next semester, which starts on January 5^th will be my last. I Graduate in April with a Bachelors degree in Psychology. I am applying now for jobs, planning to do some work before I go on for my Masters and then PhD. It has been a long journey to this point and I know that it is not even close to being over, I was foolish if I thought that life was crazy, difficult, stressful, or any other descriptions. My life thus far has been a great journey and I am very excited for the next part, who knows where it might lead me.

Insomnia

So if you know me at all you know that I have had insomnia pretty much my entire life. I am a very light sleeper and even the slightest noise or light will wake me up. (I was once awoken by a full moon shining in my window!) I know it is crazy but if I ever needed to be a sentry guard I would be awesome! Anyhow, there is this song that just hits my lack of sleep perfectly on the head. I heard this song forever ago and back when I still listened to CD’s and not my Zune (Microsoft’s version of an iPod, it rocks!) I had this song on one. But I lost the CD and for the most part forgot about the song. It is called “Who Needs Sleep?” by BNL (Barenaked Ladies). This is a great song and very true for me and my Insomnia! I have placed the song on my playlist (it is at the bottom) listen and have smile that you get more sleep than me! ;o)

River!!!

So this morning Isaac and I went to church, the sun was shining and the weather was great. We even had a discussion about our sunglasses as we drove (it was brief). As we where sitting in church we suddenly heard this great roar as the rain started pouring down, lightening flashed and the thunder rolled and all through church the rain came down. When we got home we found this river instead of our street. It reminded me of when I was little and lived at the corner house in American Fork. There used to be this big ditch (that has now been covered) but when we would get big rain storms the ditch would flood and the intersection and our entire front yard would get flooded. I remember Michael Ritchie would often come over bringing more friends and everyone would play in the water. P.S. it is still pouring!

Sorry!!!

I know that I have been slacking in updating my blog and I am sorry for that. Of course I am not sure how many actually read it so I could be apologizing to no one. But for those (if there are any) that read this I am doing great.
I have only one week left at my current job, then a week off before I start the new one that will be much closer to home and easier for me and my car. I am loving school but also excited that in a little less than a year I will be done! All is good and All is great, and no Sara I still don't have a date. ;o)